Memories

Bright headlights in a dark night. "What does he think he's doing!" was the last thing I remember saying. It was so quiet , so black when I next remember anything. My first thought was about Hollis..."don't look," ...but I have to! Ever so slowly I turned my head to the left and instantly new my sweet heart was no longer on this side of the veil. "Stay calm", said the voice, "you will just scare those who are trying to help." I returned to the blackness.

Someone was trying to get me out of the car. "She's wedged in!'', "No, undo her seatbelt". I blacked out again. It was much later I learned that Bro Shell pulled the locked Malibu door of it's hinges in an excepitional show of adrenalin..He later said he was afraid there would be a fire from the head on collision.

I next heard some above my head reporting that they had given me morphine and were headed into the ER . blackness again. only to hear Bro Jordan and Bro Davis at the head of the guerney asking how they would be able to notify Hollis' family. The voice the spoke to me.."Give them the phone numbers, you have the numbers, give them the phone numbers." I heard their startled voices and the rustle as they went to grab paper and pen to scribble the numbers and was mumbling..Then, I leaned over the guerny and regurgitated massive amount of blood that had drained into my stomach. I was aware enough then to as the Elders where Hollis was...The pause was very long..and I already knew but I still had hope..."He's upstairs in another room." was their reply...But the pause told me more than they had. Again it was much later that Bishop Jordan told me the ER doctor was worried about further shock if I were told the truth. But I already knew, didn't I.

I blacked out from time to time but did awaken to hear the Priesthood blessing that Bishop and Bro Davis gave. I listened closely for the work, "Healed" and did not hear it..But greater far was the comfort I felt that no matter what happened it would be God's will.

I remember feeling cold scizzors cutting my clothes from toes of pantyhose up through garments slip and dress. I asked for a bedpan..I must have starteled the nurse because she asked again what I said..I had to repeat several times and said I needed to urinate...finally she understood when I said I had to go pee! She ran out of the room..hopefully for a bedpan , but instead she brought the ER doctor. He wanted to know how long had it been since I had used the toilet..I thought that was a stupid question but told him anyway and he proceeded to lecture me on the importance of using public toilets so bladders would not rupture if there was a seat belt strapped across a lap...I eventually got the bedpan...

When I was finally able to look at the bruises there was one on each hip where I had been restrained ...and right across the lower abdomen..A good chance that my full bladder could have ruptured .

I was subsequently transported to Methodist Hospital in Indianapolis. My injuries were too severe for the Franklin co hospital to handle. But that is another story...My heart was broken..My sweetheart was gone...And reason for living was only found by looking at the three beautiful children....but oh, the tears...

The pain was horrible. the nurses tied exam gloves stuffed with ice together and slung them over to either side of my head..They were giving me IM demerol for pain..the injection would take 20 min to kick in, work for about an hour and then for the next 3 hours I would be in horrible pain. From this I learned that demerol makes you sleep but does not take away the pain.

The first time I looked into a mirror while in the hospital I looked like a halloween pumpkin on shoulders . But miracles do happen.. The plastic surgeon and the oral surgeon told Dad that I would be in the hospital at least 6 weeks. First they needed to let the swelling go down enough so they could do the repair on my facial bones. Then there was recovery time..Instead surgery was done the following week and I was sent home 3 days later...I better save this before my server goes out.. to be cont.

another story

I had a glorious day Saturday..It started out with a lunch with one of my widow's. I was humbled that she had a picture of me and her late husband on the coffee table of her home. It was good to check up on her and let her know that while it had been a year since her husbands death it was okay to still grive over his loss...

I left about 2 hours later and was thinking about where and what I needed to do next...I needed to go see a former patient that had been admitted to a residential hospice when his wife decided she could no longer physically take care of him at home. I debated about waiting until Sunday, maybe to go after Church services but eventially decided that if was going to go it would be best while I was already out and motivated.

I arrived at the hospice building and met his wife coming out..she walked me back to his room and told me that he was not longer able to remember friends and some family members. What a delight it was to lean over his bed, call his name and see him smile! He reached up and touched my face. He allowed me to give him a few bites of a frozen malt, and visited with him for just a few minutes . I could see that this little time was tiring him out.. In parting I asked him if I could sing to him..He said yes, and when given a choice between silly song or church hymn he surprised me and said church..I sang "I Am a Child of God." He gave me a hug again in goodby.

His wife walked me out..and we talked again about how rapidly he was progressing.

This morning, during Church my cell phone rang...I usually don't take it into Church unless I am on call and could barely hear it's muffled ring since it was burried inside my purse. I did not recognize the number..but I stepped out and returned the call..."He died this morning." She said, Thank you so much for coming and singing that special little song." She again said she had been amazed that he was able to recognize me....

Thank you Lord, for not letting me wait to go see this family..We both needed the chance to say goodby.

mom

I saw God's face again

I was in a new patient's home to enter him into the hospice program. One of the standard questions that we try to gently ask is what is his goal as part of the hospice program. In labored breath and looking his wife straight in the eye said: " I want to be able to put my head against my wife's head and smell her hair for as long as I can." The electricity was so strong between the two..another moment when I saw God's face and it was love.

visitor at mama's side

She was a nurse working full time at the hospital taking care of her husband and adult Down's syndrom child when she brought her mother home to her house to die. FMLA was invoked and she was able to stay at home with her mother.

It was during caseconference that I got a frantic Thursday morning call from her. Something has happened to Mama, we need to get a pain pump on her right away. I reassured her that I would be there as soon as I could get away from the meeting. I was surprised to find her talking quietly to another daughter expecting her to be needing reassurance.

But I'm getting away from the story. Her daughter that was visiting brought a grandchild and they had stayed the night. I talked to both of them of the signs and symptoms of approaching terminal event and all that would /could be done was to keep her mother comfortable. That she could expect her mother to talk to people that noone else could see,...usually someone they loved that had gone on before...the granddaughter gasped, " That explains it!" and the patient's daughter started smiling..I asked for an explanation...

When the granddaughter arrived with her baby she placed him on the sofa in a ''punkin'' seat. The child cooed and smiled, looking up towards the ceiling most of the day, did not whimper, fuss or cry..and the patient was talking to her late husband...The daughter added to the story that during the night her Down's syndrom daughter was heard talking in her bedroom during the middle of the night, when her mother asked her the next morning who she had been talking to she replied, "grandpa". Granddaughter said that she now understood why her child was so happy, Greatgrandpa had been playing with him....angels visits are truely special. love mom

angel story

I checked my watch when a late night call came in and again as I left the house to head for my pt's home...then realized my watch had stopped.

This was one of my own, taken down that path that we all must travel. His wife told me that he was in bed and suddenly reached up toward heaven and called, "Jesus, take my hand!" At that moment his hand dropped to his side and he was gone. When I asked what time this was she told me....It was the time my watch had stopped...I loved this family... mom

hospice nurse story

I got to work this morning and listened to the oncall nurse's weekend report.
She reported going out late Saturday night to an expected death. What was unusual was that as soon as she pronounced the patient dead the lights in the house went out. They remained out until the funeral home personel exited the home and then the lights came back on...Family said that mama was telling them that she was still in control!

angel choir

Monday night I was sitting with a family waiting for the funeral director to come to their home. While visiting with a caregiver I was reminded about what Bro. Hendrickson told me many years ago when I was a teenager.

Bro Hendrickson had picked me up to take me to his home to babysit. It was one of those dark Iowa nights with the stars sparkling. I do not remember all of our conversation as we were driving but he told me that there were times that he hears heavenly choirs singing as he travels. I think I was skeptical about this prounouncement.

Monday I remembered his statement when a caregiver stated that just before this elderly woman died she heard choir music. No radio or tv were on but she turned to the patients daughter and she too acknowledged hearing a beautiful choir sing.. It was only minutes later that my patient died.

I was thrilled to know that others hear the angels sing.
love, mom